It's complicated... or whatever

Romance has never been a goal for me. It still isn't. I'm not sure if I have it in me. This causes me a great deal of frustration. Maybe I'm abnormal in this area? I had a thought earlier this year that I'm too cynical for Christian girls and too Christian for normal girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm open to that special someone blowing me away and all but I have very little enthusiasm towards the whole thing. This leaves me in an odd position. Maybe I should care more? I may have over-complicated this. It's late.

THE GREAT CHEESE CAPER OF 2007

From about 10pm last night (Nov 18) myself, Reuben R and Nathan ate cheese,
a third of a block each. These portions were roughly 170 grams worth of Edam each. We ate our cheese on crackers at Nathan's parents place in an attempt to see how it would affect our sleeping and dreams. It began after a passing comment at Spreydon and escalated into a full scale cheese fest. We ate. A lot. It was fun in a certain way. It was torture in many other ways. I suspect I will blog about the aftermath of this event once I have slept but for now I shall away and see just what is going to happen...

Heart On Sleeve

I am a mess. I barely sleep. I don't eat properly. I say what I think then worry that what I said isn't what I thought. I don't care what people think but yet I worry what people will think. I'm frustrated. I'm content. I'm happy yet angst ridden. I'm sick of being a topic for discussion. I want to talk but I don't want advice. My moods are out of my control but I feel I can change them at any time. I try to reassure other people but I'm trying to reassure myself. I want to be nice and polite but I want to give my frank, honest opinion. I'm nice but I'm a jerk. I like being alone. I hate being lonely. I loathe depression but have become dependent on it. I don't want to speak. I don't want to answer. I don't want to listen. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be happy. I don't care. I care too much. I feel like a burden. I'm withdrawing. I'm paranoid. I think too much. I worry too much. I'm a contradiction.
Take from this what you will.

I'm OK.