One of those One's

Confused, a mess, all over the place... a few descriptions of my mind set over the past month. But would I change it? No way. Things are such a retardo cluster of confusion in my little mind and they probably will continue to be for quite a while. But that's awesome and I am so content with the swirling of "is it God or is it me" that's racking my brains. In the past week alone two people far wiser than I have graced me with just the words I needed. I'm going home to Nelson tomorrow and looking foward to thinking about things there. It's so weird being pulled in all these different directions and not knowing what's God and what's me. He's pretty cool though and we have a pretty damn cool relationship. Hehe. I can't get over this content feeling I have it's so peaceful even though all this stuff is crashing and burning around me (and has been for a while just without my happy contentness..is that a word?). Life is kinda making sense to me now even though so much crap that sucks is going down, I'm feeling totally stripped down with nothing but God and Me trying to get in sync. I dunno how long it'll take to figure it out but just laying everything down to him completely for the first time is just so relieving and just realising he has this future for me that I still can't comprhend is insanely cool. I have no idea where I'll be in 5 years or even 5 days everything is such a whirl wind but the one settling thing is that God's got my back and even if my Dad and Friend die tomorrow from their cancer as painful as it will be God one way or another will wipe the tears away, that's something you can't buy or get from a thousands courses in theology and biblical cross referencing(not that that stuff is unimportant) but that is just the love pure and simple God has for us. This whole experience is pretty eye opening and it's strangely clear and confusing at the same time. I feel like so much is uncertain and non sensical I'm just gonna trust God as best as simple lil' me can and jump on in... I can't wait!