THE ONE AND ONLY

2011-01-11T13:21:00.001+13:00

I think I'm going to start posting on here again. I don't know if anyone will read it but it seems like a good idea. Oh Nostalgia!

HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!

2008-08-11T18:19:00.002+12:00

So according to the radio today Johnny Depp is tipped to play The Riddler in rhe sequel to The Dark Knight. Not sure how he'll be able to top Batman Forever though... *cough* *snicker*.

2008-08-07T12:35:00.001+12:00

Does anyone other than Stan actually read this?

Goldie.

2008-08-02T17:46:00.002+12:00

This afternoon Matt Barus and I decided to go to Sumner for Fish and Chips for lunch given it was such a lovely day. We dropped into the Poulson St Sallies shelter to see if a young guy we knew named Nick wanted to come to the beach. He wasn't there but Goldie was. Goldie is a man we met today. He has long stringy hair, scattered tattoos, is overweight and sang alot of songs. He yoddled as well. Goldie asked us if he could come to the beach and show us where God had spoken to him. He refered to Matt and I as his angels. He began huffing a substance in the backseat, apologising profusely.
We woun our windows down and continued talking about his various experiences and trials. I found myself unable to believe everything he said. This caused me conflicting emotions. We arrived in Sumner and Goldie made $4.00 busking to children. After Matt and I ate our lunch (Goldie had a plastic plate in the car with ham, cheese and agreen vegetable on it) we looked at the ocean. Goldie stripped to his underwear and jumped in the sea. He enjoyed it, got out and huffed some more. We dropped him at the City Mission as he asked and carried on home. It was a strange encounter. I'm glad I had it but my reactions surprised me. Which leaves me feeling kind of... I don't know yet. Yeah.

2008-06-25T10:50:00.002+12:00

I have been sick for a long time. I have done stupid things in an attempt to destroy myself. I have starved myself as punishment for my existence. I have punched brick walls and ground my knuckles into gravel to feel relief and guilt. I have drunk coffee and cola to increase my insomnia. I have stood in front of mirrors and frequently told myself what I believed... 'I'm pathetic, stupid, useless, a waste of life, that I need to hurt myself.'

I have used money as a means to make things difficult for myself and others.
I gave away money I couldn't afford to give away. I signed up to things I couldn't afford, bought things I ddin't need because I believed I didn't deserve things to run smoothly for me, that things needed to be hard, complicated. I found my self needing to ask people to pay my way because I was too much of a loose unit to function basically and was desperate to hide it figuring that I would be dead sometime soon so why worry about consequences? I have been hiding in shadows for a long time.

I had no real grasp on what was going on with me, how bad things really were. I was unaware how bad my depression, finances and self image were. I figured people needed to hate me because I hated myself so much. I believed that if people liked me I was fooling them because I felt I had nothing good in me. I wanted to self destruct. I wanted to see people hate me. Or so I thought. I wanted to hurt, to starve to flirt with death because I had convinced my self for years, subtley first, then blatantly that this was what I deserved. Pain.

I don't believe that anymore. I am not that person anymore, and while I am still struggling with issues I've refused to face for the better part of a decade, while I still have to force myself to eat, while I still struggle with stressing out and jumping to the worst conclusions... I am getting better. I am better than I have been in a long time. I feel happiness now and have little reservation in revealing my past to others. I want to live.

I accept what I have done. I own what I have done. I am responsible for my own actions. I understand this.

So from here on out I am concerned with cleaning up my messes and moving forward positively and healthily. If you want to acknowledge my past, accept that it happened and move forward in a new direction with me please feel free. If not that's fine. But I refuse to allow anyone else's bitterness and ill thought eat away at me.

I'm sorry to everyone for everything I've done.

AJ

What I got...

2008-03-06T09:04:00.001+13:00

I don't know if this is any help to anyone but this is what I have:

Clinical depression (also called major-depressive disorder or unipolar depression) is a common psychiatric disorder, characterized by a pervasive low mood, loss of interest in usual activities and diminished ability to experience pleasure.

Although the term "depression" is commonly used to describe a temporary depressed mood when one "feels blue", clinical depression is a serious and often disabling condition that can significantly affect a person's work, family and school life, sleeping and eating habits, general health and ability to enjoy life.[1] The course of clinical depression varies widely: depression can be a once in a life-time event or have multiple recurrences, it can appear either gradually or suddenly, and either last for a few months or be a life-long disorder. Having depression is a major risk factor for suicide; in addition, people with depression suffer from higher mortality from other causes.[2]

Clinical depression may be isolated or be a secondary result of a primary condition such as bipolar disorder or chronic pain. When specific treatment is indicated, this is usually psychotherapy and/or antidepressants.

Clinical depression can present with a variety of symptoms, however almost all patients display a marked change in mood, a deep feeling of sadness, and a noticeable loss of interest or pleasure in favorite activities. Other symptoms include:

* Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
* Loss of appetite and/or weight loss, or conversely overeating and weight gain
* Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
* Restlessness or irritability
* Feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt, helplessness
* Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
* Difficulty thinking, concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
* Thoughts of death or suicide or attempts at suicide
* Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
* Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down" or sluggish
* Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Not all patients will present every symptom, and the severity of symptoms will vary widely among individuals. Symptoms must, however, persist for at least two weeks before being considered a potential sign of depression, with the exception of suicidal thoughts or attempts.

(Wikipedia)

That Day - Natalie Imbruglia

2008-02-27T15:16:00.000+13:00

That day, that day
What a mess what a marvel
I walked into that cloud again
And I lost myself
And I’m sad, sad, sad
Small, alone, scared
Craving purity
A fragile mind and
A gentle spirit
That day, that day
What a marvelous mess
This is all that I can do
I’m done to be me
Sad, scared, small, alone, beautiful
It’s supposed to be like this
I accept everything
It’s supposed to be like this

That day, that day
I lay down beside myself
In this feeling of pain, sadness
Scared, small, climbing, crawling
Towards the light
And it’s all I see and
I’m tired and I’m right
And I’m wrong
And it’s beautiful

That day that day
What a mess
What a marvel
We’re all the same
And no one thinks so
And it’s okay
And I’m small
And I’m divine
And it’s beautiful
And it’s coming
And it’s already here
And it’s absolutely perfect

That day, that day
When everything was a mess
And everything was in place
And there’s too much hurt
Sad, small, scared, alone
And everyone’s a cynic
And it’s hard and it’s sweet
But it’s supposed
To be like this

That day, that day
When I sat in the sun
And I thought and I cried
’cause I’m sad, scared, small
Alone, strong
And I’m nothing
And I’m true
Only a brave man
Can break through
And it’s all okay
Yeah, it’s okay

It's complicated... or whatever

2007-11-28T02:25:00.000+13:00

Romance has never been a goal for me. It still isn't. I'm not sure if I have it in me. This causes me a great deal of frustration. Maybe I'm abnormal in this area? I had a thought earlier this year that I'm too cynical for Christian girls and too Christian for normal girls. Don't get me wrong, I'm open to that special someone blowing me away and all but I have very little enthusiasm towards the whole thing. This leaves me in an odd position. Maybe I should care more? I may have over-complicated this. It's late.

THE GREAT CHEESE CAPER OF 2007

2007-11-19T00:50:00.000+13:00

From about 10pm last night (Nov 18) myself, Reuben R and Nathan ate cheese,
a third of a block each. These portions were roughly 170 grams worth of Edam each. We ate our cheese on crackers at Nathan's parents place in an attempt to see how it would affect our sleeping and dreams. It began after a passing comment at Spreydon and escalated into a full scale cheese fest. We ate. A lot. It was fun in a certain way. It was torture in many other ways. I suspect I will blog about the aftermath of this event once I have slept but for now I shall away and see just what is going to happen...

Heart On Sleeve

2007-11-04T21:32:00.000+13:00

I am a mess. I barely sleep. I don't eat properly. I say what I think then worry that what I said isn't what I thought. I don't care what people think but yet I worry what people will think. I'm frustrated. I'm content. I'm happy yet angst ridden. I'm sick of being a topic for discussion. I want to talk but I don't want advice. My moods are out of my control but I feel I can change them at any time. I try to reassure other people but I'm trying to reassure myself. I want to be nice and polite but I want to give my frank, honest opinion. I'm nice but I'm a jerk. I like being alone. I hate being lonely. I loathe depression but have become dependent on it. I don't want to speak. I don't want to answer. I don't want to listen. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be happy. I don't care. I care too much. I feel like a burden. I'm withdrawing. I'm paranoid. I think too much. I worry too much. I'm a contradiction.
Take from this what you will.

I'm OK.

More Silverchair...

2007-09-17T15:43:00.000+12:00

The lastest Silverchair album has succeeded in doing something I can't at the moment, putting into words how I feel:

If You Keep Losing Sleep:

If you keep losing sleep over other lovers
if you keep losing me you're gonna be bored
if you're up chimney sweep under rubble covers
if you keep counting sheep and being adored

You're a tombstone in the mud
playing twister in a bubble again
I need a breath, a wind so pure
to dry up the mud over me
to be reborn not born again
erase my my regret from the start
shot the model
flaking temporary skin, you're no burden
such reduction
such seductive silent wine hop scotch trigger

If you keep losing sleep over other lovers
if you keep losing me are you gonna be
if you're up chimney sweep under rubble covers
if ou keep losing me

You're a tombstone in the mud
playing twister in a bubble again
if you keep losing sleep over other lovers
if you keep losing me you're gonna be
if you keep losing sleep over other lovers
if you keep losing me

Rumours

2007-09-12T21:47:00.000+12:00

It seems that there are a few rumours circulating at the moment regarding my love life.
I have decided to address this here so those who are curious can have their curiosity satisfied
without the awkwardness of having to ask face to face.
So here goes....

I greatly and publicly admire the person I am being implicated with. They are someone I respect.
I enjoy listening to this person and feel we have some pretty key things in common, which is cool
and I want to make sure people know that I have held this person in the highest regard for a while :).
Anyway if I don't get on with this Matt Wilson will let his version of the cat out of the bag!

Alright: I am not involved romantically with Daniel Johns (frontman of successful Australian band Silverchair).
Matt has been making outrageous claims to the contrary but I can assure you all that he is wrong.
I have never even met Daniel Johns.
I'm sorry to have to do this all so publicly but it was getting a bit out of hand. I appreciate how delicate
this post is and apologise if anyone is upset. Please don't get too personal with comments.
This has been hard enough as it is. Thanks.

Dunedin

2007-08-27T14:34:00.000+12:00

I spent Saturday and Sunday in Dunedin. It was the best I have felt since my Dad died. I left at 6.30am on Saturday with Hamish and David from ABC and two other guys John and Playo. We stopped in Timaru at McDeath amd I asked them to remove all meat from my breakfast:) We got to Dunedin at about 11am and went to try and stay at Studholme, a student hall. We managed to acquire the room after charming the nice Maori man who looked after the hall and convincing him we weren't there for the Undy 500. From there we had lunch and Hamish, David, Playo and I drove out to Sandfly Bay to jump off sand dunes on the boogie boards and Polly Pocket skateboard (minus wheels) which we acquired from The Warehouse. The drive around the bay was really pretty and we stopped in to see Hamish's relatives for a bit. Once we found the gate into 'the wild' we fought our way through scrub and gorse until we reached the mighty dunes. This was really surreal for me as I had gone to this very same place as a kid with my Dad, Mum, brother and Dad's family and it hadn't changed at all. I rolled down the sand dunes for a while as did Hamish and Dave and we got so dizzy we thought we would puke and die. It was great. We then proceeded to perform running flips and jumps off a steep dune and caning ourselves. It was one of the biggest highs I have ever experienced ever. It was so buzzy. The place rocked.
On the way back to the car we found a track that led right back to where we parked but had missed it on the way in. On our walk out we found the gruesome scene of a sheep who had been killed while giving birth. It was horrible. As we continued out we heard some lambs that had got stuck in a river Dave went down and managed to fish the two babies out and we carried them back to their mother, who accepted them. It was very nice really. From there we went to tea at a little Korean place with a bunch of people I didn't know. Afterwards I was dropped in Brighton at my Aunty Hilary's place she is my Dad's eldest sibling, I hadn't seen her since I was around 8 years old. Jared then picked me up and we hung at his place before going for a late night drive to locations chosen at random and talking a bunch. After failing to establish contact with Hamish I crashed on Jared's lounge floor.

Next morning my Dad's brother Merv picked me up and bought me breakfast. We went to his son, my cousin Glen's fabulous mansion where I met his wife Katherine and one of his daughters, Morgan for the first time. Merv and I then drove back to Hilary's and were joined by my cousin Jo and one of her sons, Rhys. I got to see what my Dad's parents looked like, via photos for the first time in my life. After getting hold of Hamish it was decided I would be put on the Knight Rider and hang with Jo for a few hours. I went to her house and met her partner Junior. Yep. I had tea with them. Jo and I then watched my Dad's funeral DVD, making her the first outside my brother and I on Dad's side to see it. She was close to my parents when she was younger. After this we rang my Mum. After a few coffees and discussing family history and traits we went back to town-ish and I was put on the Knight Rider and sent on my merry way. The bus trip sucked but it was overshadowed by the kick arse two days I had just experienced.

My family is awesome.

Um...

2007-07-30T00:45:00.000+12:00

Hi. I tossed up posting this due to my fear it may be misinterpreted. But I thought it was the easiest way to go about it. I am suffering from some depression rooted in, as far as I can tell at this stage my Dad's death. It is affecting my mood and sleep patterns. I have had issues with insomnia since I was around 11 and it came back more so when I was 17. It's quite excessive at the moment aswell. If I seem bummed, withdrawn, sad, overly emotional, lacking in confidence etc; this is probably why. I am getting counselling and trying to treat this properly. It's a pretty tough time so support and patience would be appreciated :) I'll get there but right now I'm feeling rather tender. Sorry to be a downer but I figured I should explain myself to my friends and this seemed the easiest and least time consuming. Want to know more? Just ask. :)

Insomnia

2007-07-27T16:18:00.000+12:00

I can realate to this song

INSOMNIA - Silverchair (from 'Young Modern')

Tomorrow will be another part of yesterday
And yesterday will be another part of the day before

Wait, I hear another song insomnia
About the days I wasn't tired
And doing that "fun retro look"

Hey don't use the term accommodation
I won't be there for that and that will never be there for me

And I need to get some sleep slash resolution
About the days I wasn't tired
And doing that "fun retro thing"

Over in the corner of a circle
I sleep behind this bedroom
I see "fun retro look"
Dine behind a suitcase in an empty room
It's time to leave millions behind
Hey that's what I took from retro look

I stay awake for days
I stay awake for days
But I'd sit awake in daze anyway
I'm a maze of chains

WHY I SUCK!

2007-07-26T00:43:00.000+12:00

My name is AJ and I suck ass so bad it's good. I think I'm really cool and punk rock but really I'm just a little bitch with no friends. No-one can stand my ugly face for very long and they vomit when ever they see me. I'm an example of poor breeding.
I'm all like 'OH Matt Wilson is a gay ass homo butt muncher!' But really I am the biggest loser of them all I cry too much about all the crap in my bitch, bitch, bitch I go. I am AJ and I'm a big dumb fag hag ass face sandwich slurper. Call me names and tell me that Matt is cooler than me because he is the pants in our relationship and I'm just socks.

Hmm

2007-07-25T15:28:00.000+12:00

I am going to use this blog more regularly. I find I have a blog shaped hole in my heart :)

Unfortunately I don't know what to post about on here. Any ideas? Anyone? I'll give you a dollar...
Hmm well anyway consider this notice (warning) I am back to blog and I am back with a vengeance.

Bitch.

2007-07-25T01:15:00.000+12:00

Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Grew worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
That was the end of
Solomon Grundy.

Echoes, Silence Patience and Grace

2007-07-10T15:09:00.000+12:00

Is the name of the new Foo Fighters Record coming out on September 25, 2007!

I'm quite excited, apparently it sounds like Steely Dan crossed with No Means No and a touch of Chuck Berry! I'll like, let's be honest I dig 95% of all things Grohl!

The Track listing is as follows:

01. The Pretender
02. Let It Die
03. Erase Replace
04. Long Road to Ruin
05. Come Alive
06. Stranger Things Have Happened
07. Cheer Up Boys, Your Makeup Is Running
08. Summer’s End
09. The Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners
10. Statues
11. But Honestly
12. Home

I can't wait, but I will :D

Tonight?

2007-06-15T12:35:00.000+12:00

Unless there's something else of great interest happening tonight would anyone be keen on watching one or both of the following: Rebel Without a Cause and/or To Kill a Mockingbird. I like both. :-)

Register any interest or info on other stuff that may be happening here, I can't get texts at the moment so yeah, here would be good.

Monday Night Gum

2007-06-06T19:54:00.000+12:00

Which socially inept member of Cell group left their wad of pink chewed gum in a little plastic bag on our coffee table? It's disgusting, offensive and down right rude. Whoever it was grow some social skills and maybe use some common sense!

Injured

2007-06-03T00:59:00.000+12:00

Tonight Ray, Kat, Ruth Brehaut and I were in a car crash on Riccarton Road. We rear ended the car in front. Ray wrote her car off. Ruth, Brehaut and I went to hospital for several hours, we were all in the backseat. Ruth has hurt her back and was kept in hospital overnight. Brehaut hurt his shoulder and ribs and was still there when I left but just got discharged. Ruth is getting a CT scan as doctors were worried about a spinal irregularity but its mainly precaution, she was able to walk-just slowly. It happened about 6.30pm, I got discharged at about 10.45pm and talked to both Ruth and Brehaut for a bit then got Kat to come get me. I Had had an x-ray and found out i cracked a rib but all I could do was take painkillers and do breathing exercises for the next four-six weeks. So, yeah, please be gentle with me during this time I'm feeling tender, quite sore and rather fragile.

The Straight Edge

2007-05-31T00:26:00.000+12:00

So I have decided to post on this topic after hearing uninformed judgments being made about a group as a whole based on the actions of a few.

Excuse the lack of structure...

The Straight Edge movement was started by a member of the hardcore band Minor Threat back in the 80's when he looked at the straight edge of the ruler he was using on a poster and it reminded him of he and his band mates straight lifestyle (no alcohol, no drugs and no sex - hence the XXX symbol often identified with straight edge). The band subsequently wrote this song:

Straight Edge - Minor Threat

I'm a person just like you, but I've got better things to do
Than sit around and fuck my head, hang out with the living dead
Snort white shit up my nose, pass out at the shows
I don't even think about speed, that is something I just don't need

I've got the straight edge

I'm a person just like you, but I've got better things to do
Than sit around and smoke dope, cause I know I can cope
Laugh at the thoughts of eating ludes, laugh at the thought of sniffing glue
Always gonna keep in touch, never want to use a crutch

I've got the straight edge

That's how it began. The basic deal is no alcohol (of any form), no drugs (incl; painkillers unless prescribed) and no promiscuous sex. Over time people following the straight edge philosophy have also adopted vegetarianism, veganism and some even ban caffiene from their body. These are not requirements for straight edgers. There are also the militant fundementalist Straight Edgers who are refered to as Hard Liners, the ones who kill, assault, or otherwise attack people (and often establishments) who don't adhere to a straight edge lifestyle. The majority of straight edgers condemn these acts as straight edge is a personal choice and they state that if you don't think it's for you-don't do it - it is a lifelong commitment and a personal and individual choice and can't be forced onto those who it isn't right for. It's not fair to judge a whole group as arrogant, forceful, fundementalist thugs based on the actions of only a few! How do you 'heretics' feel when people assume because you're a christian (or at least follower of Jesus in some capacity) that you hold all the views of say, Brain Tamaki and Destiny Church? It's the same thing.

Straight Edge however is NOT a religion, there is no deity or worship. It's more about accountability. By saying you're straight edge you publicly show that you want to be clean, clear and in control of your mind and body and after making such strong claims leads people to pay more attention to what you do.

There are a number of Christians who claim to be straight edge. Hard Liners again are the ones who believe that Christians shouldn't identify themselves as straight edge (and some shouldn't) because it's not about religion but again most real straight edgers don't think it's a big deal because as straight edge isn't about religion, it doesn't matter what faith you have be it Christianity, Buddhism, Islamic etc; Your sexuality also isn't a factor, it's whether you have casual, meaningless sex that is as such things become addictive.

Avoiding addiction is part of straight edge too because once you are addicted to something it has a hold on you and you're no longer in control. There's an emphasis on being responsible for your own actions.

Hmm, well rant nearly over. I subscribe to the straight edge philosophy. It makes sense to me, it's a personal choice and my own experiences led me to that decision. It took a year of thinking and research to come to that conclusion and it was a decision not made lightly. So please feel free to mock, challenge or whatever but do a bit more research first :). And don't expect me to smack you in the head with a baseball bat or feel I'm above you because you're drinking alcohol or taking panadol. I'm not hard line, I'm Straight Edge.

Happy Birthday Dad

2007-04-24T20:55:00.000+12:00

Today is/would be my Dads 65th birthday. Happy Birthday Dad.
Oddly enough it's 6 months to the day today that he died. Poetic?
Knowing my Dad he probably planned it.

Peace

Procrastinating Ramblings

2007-03-28T00:48:00.000+12:00

I'm doing an assignment can't you tell?

Nothing to write home about

2007-02-28T18:29:00.000+13:00

So a post on my blog. I'm quite enjoying life just now. It kinda has a cool positivity to it which I've missed over the past few years. I'm digging Bible College and looking forward to being one of the leaders for the Ilam Youth Group, under the watchful eye of Chris Martin ("singer" for the band Coldplay). Paul Holmes is my supervisor which means I have two celebrities keeping me on track. Hmm what else? Fray and Laurie rock my socks and my boat! I shall also at some point be changing rock history with such Rock n Rollers as Jim "The Grizzly" Bier, Hamish "Wacky Tobaccy" Mackey and the like so lock up your Matt Wilson - in a cage- under the ocean. With no air or hope for escape. Or survival. :D

FOREIGN POLICY

2006-12-06T12:09:00.000+13:00

I just spent the morning with foreigners. It started at 8am at Starbucks (yes, I know I sold out, Kill Me!). I met up with this guy Neil from America, we went to Starbucks because the staff give him a discount because hiswife Lindsey works there. The two of them are over from the States for a year just because they can and chose to hang in Nelson, We talked about lots of things Theology, George Bush and his foreign policy, Marriage (his not mine) and Dads. I felt wise:D.

From there I went to the Anglican Center and hung in the staff room for a while with two more foreigners, Michael Treston (England) and Milo Coldren (Canada). We talked a bit about Dad for maybe an hour then they gave me books from a pile of free books and sent on my merry way. That's the story of my morning.

Also the Foo Fighters live acoustic CD 'Skin and Bones kicks arse the DVD is cooler but the CD still rocks. The songs are rearranged and sound pretty, even though Dave Grohl is still screaming regularly throughout.
It's good - buy it!

2006-10-25T18:45:00.000+13:00

hey all,

My Dad passed away last night (October 24, 2006) in the Nelson Regional Hospice.
It was peaceful in the end. He was prayed for by Michael Treston and quietly slipped away. Post messages here if ya want. For more details probably best to ask Kelly or James if you're in Christchurch.

Peace Out, AJ

2006-10-09T20:36:00.000+13:00

I have decided to join the hip and cool "does anyone read my blog" club... so, does anyone read this?

Johnny Cash Rules

2006-09-21T21:46:00.000+12:00

Well you wonder why I always dress in black
Why you never see bright colours on my back
And why does my appearance seem to have a sombre tone
Well there's a reason for the things that I have on

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down
Living in the hopeless hungry side of town
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime
But who is still in there as a victim of the time

I wear the black for those who've never read
Or listened to the words that Jesus said
About the road to happiness through love and charity
Why you'd think He's talking straight to you and me

Well we're doing mighty fine I do suppose
In our streak of lightning cars and fancy clothes
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back
Up front there ought to be a man in black

I wear it for the sick and the lonely old
For the reckless ones whose bad trips left them cold
I wear the black in mourning for the lives that could have been
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men

And I wear it for the thousands who have died
Believing that the Lord was on their side
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died
Believing that we all were on their side

Well, there're things that never will be right I know
And things need changing everywhere you go
But 'till we start to make a move to make a few things right
You'll never see me wear a suit of white

And I'd love to wear a rainbow everyday
And tell the world that everything's okay
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back
Till things are brighter I'm the man in black

MY NEXT POST!

2006-09-15T17:33:00.000+12:00

are ALL FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS closet HOMOSEXUALS?

Bang Bang You're Ned

2006-09-15T17:23:00.000+12:00

What have I been up to recently? As I am soooo very interesting I'll tell you. I went to Nelson a couple of weeks ago to see my Dad. We hung out and watched a fishing show which was interesting because nothing happened and I don't like fishing, so it was something different. I spent looks of time with my Dad and he had some not so good moments but it was cool to see him. I also saw Jared who came up to Nelson for work and proceeded to introduce him to some Nelson peeps after tea, firstly my Dad, followed swiftly by my brother who was on air at the student radio station and looked partiicularly dark and gothic yet cheerful and 'sunny'.Afterwards I took Jared to Michael Trestons house and introduced him to Michael, Maureen, and their kids Aidan and Eva. This was all topped off by me introducing Jared to my most 'Nelson hippy' of friends Holly. She had been abandoned by her fiance (my friend Chris - who DOES exist thankyou Matt-so-called-bloody-Wilson). We went for coffee at Cafe Affair then back to Hollys pad before Jared awayed into the Nelson night.

Aren't I interesting?

Tune in soon for my next post: 'Are all fundementalist christians really just closet homosexuals?'

CANCER

2006-09-07T17:22:00.000+12:00

The word cancer does not upset or offend me. Please feel free to use it in my prescence (preferably without hesitation and awkward pauses).

DEATH

2006-09-07T17:21:00.000+12:00

Phone Dead Probably for good.

I sold my soul for a latte bowl

2006-08-21T18:42:00.000+12:00

Not really.

Sooooooo weighing up your options is more fun than I expected. I've been thinking about where I want to be going and how to get there. It's quite cool. I have these 3 things I feel really led towards (I can't believe I typed that 'led' *shudder*) and have thought quite alot about them and how they inter, uh, mingle? Or at least how they can. It's all very confusing but interesting I think. I don't know...

Next

2006-08-15T21:00:00.000+12:00

and just like that I have my cellphone back, text away.

2006-08-11T21:14:00.000+12:00

The good Lord has seen fit to bless me by taking out my cellphone, so if anyone has the burning desire to contact me don't bother texting I won't get it. Tata.

Two

2006-07-25T21:41:00.000+12:00

HUGH LAURIE! Two words that strike a cord in the heart of every sensitive 22 year old man in the country. Paul Holmes of ABC fame not Prime TV "fame" is thinking about playing Season One of House (24ish episodes I think) at hos place before Ruth leaves. I told him I would see if anyone was interested. Comment if interested . Also I'll give a present to anyone who can say what colour my eyes are. Go.

Part One of

2006-07-25T21:12:00.000+12:00

I'm sure this song must be in some way inspired by guys in the God squad.

STEADY AS SHE GOES - The Raconteurs

Find yourself a girl, and settle down
Live a simple life in a quiet town

Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
So steady as she goes

Your friends have shown a kink in the single life
You've had too much to think, now you need a wife

Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
So steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend, that knows you well
But no matter what you do, you'll always feel as though the truth has failed

So steady as she goes

When you have completed what you thought you had to do
And your blood's depleted to the point of stable glue

Then you'll get along
Then you'll get along

Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
So steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Well here we go again, you've found yourself a friend that knows you well
But no matter what you do, it always feels as though the truth ends
So steady as she goes
Steady as she goes

Settle for a girl from the upper-town
Send it to the crowd that's gathered round
Settle for a girl from the upper-town
Send it to the crowd that's gathered round

So steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
Steady as she goes (steady as she goes)
So steady as she goes (steady as she goes)

Steady as she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady as she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady as she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady as she goes
Are you steady now?
Steady as she goes

I dig most of this

2006-07-04T15:46:00.000+12:00

Punk, what is punk? What does it mean? Who’s the first punk band? Who’s king of the punks? Who’s this, who’s that? Stuff all that. I don’t know what that title meant in the first place. It just appeared one day in Melody Maker Magazine, a journalist called Caroline Coon with a picture of me, I can’t remember what was next to it, some other duffo article. But it had “King of the Punks” and my face, I was furious. I had no idea. Punk? What? I’m being labeled now, being given a category, by people I haven’t even spoken to, who haven’t asked me. No, I’m a human being. I don’t like categories. When I buy music, I don’t go to the this section and then that section. List it by names not categories.

Those categories are killing us all, killing us off. And somehow they created a new market of crossover acts that combine this category with that category and that’s a false genre. You understand, that’s like, that’s like a wisp of two other shadows put together, you don’t need it. You should have your own original thoughts, first and foremost. Why are the Sex Pistols original, why is PIL original? Why is anything we do original? Cause we’re no good. We can’t copy, bugger all. And you shouldn’t need to. The power and glory of music is that it’s an honest thought. It’s not about note perfect, it never ever has been, all the best music in the world is practically nearly unmusical. It’s about feeling, drama, content. If you want to know what punk is its real emotion, it’s not studded belts, and legs apart and tuff looks and silly eye-liner make-up. That isn’t punk. That’s plunk.

- John Lydon (Johnny Rotten)

Contentness c/o Fry and Laurie... Hugh Laurie

2006-07-03T12:40:00.000+12:00

The secret to being perfectly content is to never ask any questions.

GOD BLESS SECULAR MUSIC

2006-06-26T22:39:00.000+12:00

SNOW (HEY OH) - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

come to decide that the things that i tried
were in my life just to get high on
when i sit alone come get a little more known
but i need more than myself this time

step from the road to the sea to the sky
and i do believe what we rely on
when i lay it on come get to play it on
all my life to sacrifice

hey oh, listen what i say oh
i got your
hey oh, listen what i say oh

when will i know that i really can't go
to the well one more time to decide on
when it's killing me, when will i really see?
all that i need to look inside

come to believe that i better not leave
before i get my chance to ride
when it's killing me, what do i really need?
all that i need to look inside

the more i see the less i know
the more i like to let it go... hey oh
deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
where it's so white as snow

privately divided by a world so undecided
and there's nowhere to go
in beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
where it's so white as snow

running through a field where all my tracks will be concealed
and there is nowhere to go
when to descend to amend for a friend
all the channels that have broken down

now you bring it up, i'm gonna ring it up
just to hear you sing it out
step from the road to the sea to the sky
and i do believe what we rely on

when i lay it on come get to play it on
all my life to sacrifice

-----------------------------------

PEACE

2006-02-03T12:19:00.000+13:00

I'm ditching blogging for a while. I have a few huge things and many other not so huge but still pressing things to deal with and I don't think I want my thoughts on public display for the next bit. I need to deal with real world stuff. Laters.

Developments in my Love Life

2006-01-26T21:13:00.000+13:00

So back from Wellington by which I mean Porirua. 'Twas an experience to be sure. Just ask Matt. Anyways I thought I should let everybody know that I have fallen into a state of excitement over Dave and AJ's sleepout (I just wrote in Third person, or is it second person?). It's cool and new. I also noticed that we have a crappy old Green or Glass house (dunno what its called) which I would like to think I'll repair and use to grow stuff. I also got to see Andre yesterday which was wahooey. I think Andre is a way cool duuuude. Also I bought some Spirulina which I didn't dig, it had way too much bannana in it and it's not as good as the other spirulina I've had in the past. Hey Matt Price just turned up "Hi Matt." said AJ "Yes it is I the bringer of bad odours." said Matt. Well this stream of consciousness post is making me sleepy. Have fun all you happy campers (at the camp this weekend).
Keep on Rockin' in the Free World

Peace

Here Have a Post Friends...

2006-01-23T13:46:00.000+13:00

"I'm a Sexually frustrated Homosexual" - Jess

Matt and I come back tomorrow and I can tell you're all excited. Wellington/Porirua has been interesting. I think I'll post more when I get back. See you in a few hours.

Matt Wilson, what a guy!

2006-01-05T19:33:00.000+13:00

I love tragedy of commons... lots. icannot wait for jeremy to return and get tragedy back out and kicking arse! Where you will you be when Jeremy returns? Yup matt sure rocks...or sucks? hmm i'm facing some confusing thoughts, he's alot like a human vacuum cleaner managing to both suck and blow at the very same time and ladies even after bible college he's still single
(I know!), i find it hard to believe that he's not married to but ladies if you want to register your interest in him as a romantic prospect or if you just want a 'friend' in the mattster let me know on the down low and i'm sure i could hook you up... don't be shy he's desperate (also he showers and plays the guitar... he even looks good with facial hair!). he's a really sensitive guy, he cried in the lion king and when bambi's mum died. i recommend him whole heartedly and believe he will make some lucky girl a great husband. matt truly is all things to all men... and maybe even one lucky lady. kudos to you matt you old fashioned gentleman with respect for women, you! anyway must be off matt wants me to come with him while he gives presents to sick children that he paid for as opposed to gifts given by charities, which he also gives money to-daily. god bless matt.

bye for now

AJ ....

or is it?

Stupid Things Christians Say And Do...

2006-01-01T21:19:00.000+13:00

How many cities in how many countries has the revival of the church started in?

What exactly is our generation being raised up to do?

How come christians jump on the latest craze (eg;24/7 prayer, 40 Days of Purpose) and always say 'lets stop talking and start doing,' yet when the novelty wears off, they stop talking, don't do and then move onto talking about what God has instore next without finishing or continuing what they were 'on fire for' two months ago?

I'm not trying to be pissy about stuff but I think christians are kind of lame and embarrasing to be associated with at times.

I mean many of us are more worried about stopping the gay community from getting a legal recognition of their love than we are about kids getting beaten and abused (often by their heterosexual parents) or people living down the road who are starving while we decide which DVD boxset we need. PRIORITIES. I've been guilty of the whole materialism thing myself so point all the fingers you want my way, but I've felt really convicted (christian word plug) about that and just my priorities in general which is where this ost is coming from. I mean we all start out in many things with the best intentions but those intentions are useless if not acted on. I've had and have alot of things with God and my priorities that I've 'been meaning to get around to.' I've decided to throw myself into doing the whole how I should live my life the closest to Jesus' example and to be honest I don't think Jesus would be too fussed with wearing his Sunday best to church or what the proper and mature christians wouldthink of him (we know that already). He just did the right thing. He had his priorities sorted. He understood that people have free will and use it for better or worse, right or wrong. But he loved them no matter what. And he did whatever God told him to do even to the point of death. And thats the faith I want and am setting about obtaining. I don't want to waste my energy telling gay people and women who choose to have abortions that they are going to hell, no one is won for God by having holier than thou christians telling them they are evil. I just want to sort myself and do the right thing by God and Others - Christians or Normal People.

I dunno if this flows but it's where I'm at so I'm sure you all can cope :D

Peace Out

My Personality Type

2005-12-22T19:38:00.000+13:00

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

What's Your Personality Type?

And my Love Languages are:
#1 Touch
#2 Time
#3 Service
#4 Words
#5 Gifts

Do people think this is right?

a post

2005-12-15T18:35:00.000+13:00

i don't know what to post about. hmmm. well the weather looks kinda like it's getting better. uh i'm a christmas orphan. i have been playing drop d guitar. oh i know what i can post about now... i'm going to destroy my faith next year in fun and creative ways. yep, i'm gonna study me some philosophy and religous studies papers and hang out with people from different religions/faiths/backgrounds and try to learn about them and their beliefs. it's gonna be fun. i'll try not to have too many faith crises fortunately i have a crack support network around me to ensure i stay on the jesus track (ok jared and matt but they're kinda christians). hoorah for exploring! also hoorah for heresy group. i like my heresy group and all the learning i do sitting quietly with my notebook. hmmm. i am quite excited about study next year. praise jesus (for pizzas)....... thats my poem.

Tsk Tsk

2005-12-09T16:54:00.000+13:00

The previous post was just Matt Wilson projecting his feelings of inadequacy and of sucking onto me. Matt trust on the Lord and YOU to can have a life worth living, hang in there little Matty-watty I believe in you.

My name is AJ, and I have been a suckaholic all my life

2005-12-07T20:27:00.000+13:00

That's right, I suck really badly. Sometimes I think I'm awesome, but then I realise, no, actually I just suck. Other times people say nice things about me, and I'm all like "that's nice, I have a warm feeling inside now" but then I realise the warm feeling is because I just wet my pants, and I remember that I completely suck.

P.S. I lied in my last post. Matt is totally cool and if it was legal I would marry him.

matt wilson and other tradgedies... of the commons

2005-12-07T16:46:00.000+13:00

i went to the foo fighters in wellington. it was awesome they are my favourite band. i got to be a foot away from dave grohl and i heard all my favourite songs by them and everlong was pretty cool (it's my favourite song) i would recommend the foo fighters to any and everybody.

um ok bye...

ps:matt wilson, if you read this i have a question... how could you do such a thing? have you no conscience or decency? you should be ashamed of yourself for doing what you did! for shame.

2005-11-08T11:42:00.000+13:00

How do Christians stick it to the man?

I Met a Girl if anyone's Hungry...

2005-10-27T10:58:00.000+13:00

Is anyone interested in coming with me one Saturday evening toeat free vegetarian food with Hare Krishna's (I bet I spelt that wrong)? I keep bumping into this HKGirl who gives me their pamphlet. They play drums and do HK things...

In Other News...

2005-10-25T22:13:00.001+13:00

It's one month to the day until I see Foo Fighters!

2005-10-14T11:14:00.000+13:00

Excuse the last post cancer just pisses me off.

2005-10-13T22:01:00.000+13:00

"Buy a helmet, because life will keep kicking you in the head."

This peice of advice was given to me by a drunk about a year back. I shrugged it off at the time but now I think he was right.

I feel like screaming until I cant make a noise. Things were looking up. Now not so good.

I am so sick and tired of all the stupid tradgedy.

Retardo in the bestest way

2005-10-04T16:28:00.000+13:00

My friend Rich from Nelson was diagnosed with cancer in September last year. At the time the tumour had spread very dangerously and chances of living let alone having a normal life again were very slim. Over the past year he has recieved treatment (I'm being vague as it's not my place to reveal all about his condition and treatment) and the cancer shrank by a third in size but it was still looking bleak he had bagun thinking about funeral arrangements and will writing. It was thought recently that he could have the cancer and his hip removed to save him this was hard on him as he's a passionate cricketer and this would have slowed him down some. Anyways after months of intense prayer from people who know him and those who don't (thank you:)) I discovered during church at good ol' ABC via a call from my friend Chris in Nelson that due to no explainable reason Rich's tumour had shrunk to about 2 cm in size and could now be removed with relative ease. Basically he beat it and it's highly likely he won't suffer any side effects. Weird but goodo. Hmm yeah so God's pretty impressive I must say! Prayer works! Rock on!

AN ABUSIVE POST

2005-09-30T16:04:00.000+12:00

would be an angry wooden pole in the ground

M

2005-09-30T16:03:00.000+12:00

A Simple Circle or A Perfect Plan?

2005-09-12T14:01:00.000+12:00

So everyone's favourite lip synching platinum blonde Madonna has stated in an interview that Kabbalah is the 'punk rock of religion.' Which caused me to a) Vomit as madonna was compairing something to punk rock and b) Cry because I was reading an interview with Madonna. I was shocked that a religion commonly publicised and practised by the rich, famous and often sellout section of society (along with Scientology) could be at all compared to Punk. Punk is a musical genre created and perfected by the outcasts, losers and freaks of society, not the Jocks and Cheerleaders of the world. Therefore as I contemplated this Kabbalah-Punk comparision I deemed it far more accurate to draw similarities between Punk and Christianity. I mean christians are not usually the coolest people in societies eyes and are often cast off to the side as they're 'to difficult to deal with' like punk bands. Much of society prefer safe and watered down corporate answers to punk (eg; A Simple Plan, Yellowcard) to the true raw and passionate honesty of true punk not corrupted by outside influences (eg; The Clash, NOFX). The spiritual comparission being that much of society prefers a safer watered down version of christianity or faith an attitude of it's just as good to appear spiritual and not take any risks A Simple Plan spirituality as opposed to total faith in Jesus a raw and passionate faith that rocks. And lets be honest Jesus was the first punk rocker - he stuck it to the man to the point of death and then just to prove the man was a complete dweeb and stick it to him further the dude rocks out of his grave three days later for an encore we're still living in. Yup Jesus invented the punk rock ethos and thats why Christianity is the Punk Rock of Faiths and/or Religions. :)

But then DRAMA!!!

2005-09-05T17:48:00.000+12:00

I'm feeling really peaceful at the moment and it's all thanks to God (well duh) I mean I wrote my Dad's will with my brother and Dad last week and I've never experienced such mixed emotions.
Well life is good. I'm feeling happy and healthy again and things feel so positiveand like they're looking up. I'm happy! And the lyrics in this song have stood out alarmingly (and positively) and have been so cool to identify with (remember I said positively:)). Life is Good Thanks everyone YOU ALL ROCK!!!

This is the song that made me happy...

Best of You - Foo Fighters (of course)

I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool
everyone's got their chains to break holding you
were you born to resist or be abused?

Is someone getting the best of you?

Are you gone and on to someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head without your noose
you gave me something that I didn't have that had no use
I was too weak to give in too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again but I'll break loose
My head is giving me life or death but I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in I refuse

Is someone getting the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith it's real the pain you feel
You trust youmust confess
Is someone getting the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith it's real the pain you feel
The life, the love you'd die to heal
the hope that starts the broken hearts
You trust you must confess
Is someone getting the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend, I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again somewhere new
were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in I refuse

Is someone getting the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith it's real the pain you feel
You trust you must confess
Is someone getting the best of you?

Hoorah for Life

I'm sorry I didn't say so sooner...

2005-09-01T08:35:00.000+12:00

The last couple of days have been pretty significant for me in ways many of you may be shocked to discover...

I hope those affected can handle this...

I've come up with an idea for an upscale Monte Christo sandwich. Basically you take out the standard cheese and chuck a little brie (not Brehaut mind you) in there and it takes it to a whole other level. But I'm not sure whether I'd clasify it as an entre or a desert. I think I'll go with entre (not Andre mind you). Well I suppose I should get about sorting this creation out. If you're reading this you probably, like me need a hobby.

2005-08-19T15:32:00.000+12:00

I just had a brief and uplifting phone call with another guy about a situation. It was sorted in around 1 minute. It was cool, being a guy rocks. I know this because I am a guy and it rocks.

Um...

2005-08-19T14:35:00.000+12:00

The previous post was a joke.

A Grim Realisation...

2005-08-18T16:24:00.000+12:00

It's always a bitter pill to swallow when you realise what a poor example of the Christian faith you truly are.
Alot of my faults can be traced back to my non christian upbringing. My family is non christian (which makes then inherently evil, my younger brother dresses in black and has piercings). I struggle with so many things my lack of maturity in my faith is one of them. I try so hard to be as cool as all the grown up Christians I meet but I just slip back into my deviant and disgusting ways. Such foul and filthy things include use of words like 'arse' in playful banter, this is unacceptable. Other unacceptable and shocking things about me include being attracted to the opposite sex which is something that shouldn't happen at all under any circumstances until after I'm married- for shame. Yes I'm truly in a dilly of a pickle, I hope these confessions aren't too much to handle, here's a biggy, once in a while I indulge in having a beer! Sickening and Perverse I know. My faith simply isn't strong enough or mature enough to cope with all these adversities. Maybe it would be best if I was to give up. I need to reflect. Perhaps I shall listen to some music, REM maybe? I'll start with 'Losing My Religion'.

The Ballad of Michael, Eric and God...

2005-08-16T11:24:00.000+12:00

Michael Treston and Eric Nelson are two guys whom I hold in pretty high regard. Big deal you might all say but I think they rock to the maximo and this is as public as I can get my thoughts soooo... dig it!

ERIC NELSON:

I met Eric on the way to Easter Camp 2002, those who went might remember the 'Jesus Guy' - he was American and looked like a stereotypical perception of Jesus. He had long hair down to his waist and a beard-also down to his waist, on his driver's liscence (International) he looked clean shaven and cut and also like Brad Pitt *sigh* anywho he was to be a leader for our group and we rocked on down in vans to Christchurch. At Burger King he came up and started talking to me and we continued talking through the camp. We talked about families and going to hell and he took me and another guy (Victor for those in the know) up to a water fall on some hill. we all got cut on thorns cause Eric and I, against Victor's better judgment thought it a brilliant idea to bush whack up through some thorns though Eric was in barefeet, shorts and a singlet. Nevermind. The waterfall was awesome when we got there and saw other campers who had taken the 'track'...punks. There was another point when our (Nelson) community tent had run out of milk and Eric and I were desperate to have milo in the afternoon. Eric with my support decided it was a fantastic idea to go to our neighbours the friendly Blenheim crew and borrow their milk-without asking. We took the bottle full of milk and many a milo was made. At tea time that night Eric returned the near empty milk bottle to a Blenheim leader and said thanks. The night of the storm was pretty cool we had to wash the kitchen's dishes and we sang lame pop songs with the other Nelson groups who were their. Later Eric and I decided to shower as we weren't wet enough, every tent in our group got flooded and destroyed except for the one yself and Dan and Mike were in, we were the only three with all our stuff still dry and intact the next day. Eric and I crashed in the community tent that night with most others simply for the novelty of it. After camp I didn't see Eric for ages but when things started getting sucko with me and my mum Istayed with him and flatmate Jolyon (an NZ Hippy Christian guy who at the time was a week from his 30th B day) in Golden Bay they helped me refocus on God and start to really get on track we had lots of late night talks and stuff and concluded that I really needed to follow God's calling for me (well duh but it took my 'me first brain' a while to click over) and the whole time was really fulfilling. I hitched back to Nelson afetrwards feeling that soon things would start to make sense. This was late July 2003 (kinda important later... if you're still reading). Jolyon moved to Auckland last January and Eric moved into his van and began training to be a paramedic we kept in touch over 2004 and still do now. He moved back to the US of A (being an American and all) to do the next two years of his training.
He helped me see through the crap I was wrapping myself up in and did it politely and subtley it was always pleasant when Eric made me confront things I needed to deal with but then...

MICHAEL TRESTON:

Old man Michael strutted into my life in late November 2003. We had a youth camp that I wasn't going to go to because I felt too old and thought that the guy who had been running the youth group (into the ground) was outof his ever loving mind. But my friend Chris was going so I went with him to Pelorus and met uo with the group there. I remember the moment Michael and I first acknowledged each other it was the second morning - a Saturday and I had made an 'innappropriate joke' that others went 'ooohh that's not cool AJ' (can't remember it) but Michael laughed quite blatantly and we got frowns from the 'christians.' Anywho that night after a laid back day of swimming, BBQ and campfire Chris and Istayed up and talked to Maureen, Michael's wife and made many 'innapropriate jokes' about how lame Christians can be, we became friends with the Treston's not youth members and have been treated as such ever since. Michael got me involved with Praxis a youth workers course and I got to lead properly for the first time at acamp in Feb 04 in Marahau. It was good. Ithen got to lead at Easter Camp 2004 with the Nelson Cathedral group, this camp had a lot of life sltering consequences for me, and Igot to hang with Michael a little bit and also with the other leaders Milo and Zack two Canadians, with big smiles. I met these two girls on security - they took their job very seriously and generally heard more from God that weekend than I ever had before, Iwent home and things fell apart - still are. I dropped out of the course and My Dad's cancer got worse. My friend Chris had a hard time with some stuff which culminated with the death of his gran in August, he had lost both his parents before his 20th birthday, then the week after Chris' gran died we found out our friend Richard who was only 22 had very well spred cancer. Through it all I was a mess and much of it was self inflicted aswell. Michael didn't let up on me though he kept pounding me and wouldn't stop. I got angry and sad and he often sat me down and told it like it was. I needed it. I got a job at a gas station and was able to lead at Spring Camp in Nelson last September. I spent the summer in rivers and at the beach in Nelson knowing I was leaving but kinda wishing I wasn't. I had to take the 'big next step' sometime and had put it off too long. Now I'm listening for God but not pushing him. I'm just wondering where I'll end up.

IN LOVE WITH....

2005-08-08T10:59:00.000+12:00

My brother, in the way a bussiness man loves a fine cuban cigar! He bought me my Foo Fighters ticket, 'Standing General Admission.' This means that on Friday, November 25, 2005 I will be in Wellington (home town to the charming and lovely Ruth Nordberg) rocking out to the band infinitley better than U2! I'll also be rocking out to a lesser degree to Weezer the Foo's support act (also better than U2). Yep it's gonna be killer.

I'm so very excited it's gonna kick every arse and enjoy doing it... Peace Out and ROCK!

HOLY CRAP I'M IN LOVE

2005-08-08T10:58:00.000+12:00

Thought I'd disappeared off the face of the planet didn't you, didn't you...

2005-07-28T14:41:00.000+12:00

Hello one and all.

Now not that Idon't love everyone posting about The book of Swam on my oh so huggable blog but all the posts between 'SHE LIKES ME' and this one were not written by me. Lets just say they were written (in my assumption) by R Nordberg and R Knapstein, no that's too obvious lets say Ruth N and Ray K (that rhymes), so please feel free to continue commenting but I can't take credit for RK and RN's work that would be plagiarism.

Anywho, must be off I have much to do and less time in which to do it in.

Peace and Love and Hugs and other such things.

AJ (for real this time)

b

2005-07-28T14:39:00.000+12:00

ahem

2005-07-25T21:08:00.000+12:00

I don't see commenting!

Something controversial

2005-07-25T21:07:00.000+12:00

I would like more comments on my blog. Here is a post about something controversial. Now you should all debate it.
Thanks.

My favourite band

2005-07-25T21:06:00.000+12:00

I also really love U2. They are the band for this generation.
Word.

My Hero

2005-07-25T21:03:00.000+12:00

Dave Grohl used to be my hero. But right about now I am partial to Dom from NZ Idol. I watched it tonight and was quite taken aback by his eyes, smile and the way he flirts with the cameras. *Sigh*
I think he should be crowned the next New Zealand Idol. He deserves it. Dom, I think you're hot. I want to hug you like they all did on tv tonight.

People that are awesome

2005-07-25T20:57:00.000+12:00

Ray is really cool. So is Ruth. They are both awesome. I like hanging out at their house on monday nights. A lot. I go there to avoid girls. Even though they are girls. They are way cooler than other girls. They are more cool than flying pants,

SHE LIKES ME!

2005-07-18T14:45:00.000+12:00

I'm starting to think my Mum really likes me. Which is cool we've nay always got along like a house on fire so it's rather cool. Makes me happy. Well thats about it, just thought I'd share.
Rock on and PEACE OUT.

I don' t joke about Sex

2005-07-11T21:10:00.000+12:00

Just so everyone knows when I start to make what sounds like innappropriate or sexually suggestive jokes I'm not basically, nor do I intend to insinuate such things and I'm not even thinking that. Sorry if you've cringed but I don't do sex as a joke, just so y'all know... and now for something else, Michelle is great so very great words justcannot describe how exceptionally grand and wonderful she truly is... there I said it. Hoorah for University. And milkshakes.

The End

I have very BAD posture...

2005-07-09T16:09:00.000+12:00

Adam and Michelle have informed me (whilst leaning on each other like a couple lean on each other) that I have very bad posture. This shocks me to my very core I have fantastic posture and I'm also very cute (Adam has emphasised this by stating 'damn straight') . Anyway I need to know as I have been told by an unnamed source, that I look like I need to be hugged all the time is this true? Please Tell Me. Peace Out AJ.

One of those One's

2005-06-27T12:19:00.000+12:00

Confused, a mess, all over the place... a few descriptions of my mind set over the past month. But would I change it? No way. Things are such a retardo cluster of confusion in my little mind and they probably will continue to be for quite a while. But that's awesome and I am so content with the swirling of "is it God or is it me" that's racking my brains. In the past week alone two people far wiser than I have graced me with just the words I needed. I'm going home to Nelson tomorrow and looking foward to thinking about things there. It's so weird being pulled in all these different directions and not knowing what's God and what's me. He's pretty cool though and we have a pretty damn cool relationship. Hehe. I can't get over this content feeling I have it's so peaceful even though all this stuff is crashing and burning around me (and has been for a while just without my happy contentness..is that a word?). Life is kinda making sense to me now even though so much crap that sucks is going down, I'm feeling totally stripped down with nothing but God and Me trying to get in sync. I dunno how long it'll take to figure it out but just laying everything down to him completely for the first time is just so relieving and just realising he has this future for me that I still can't comprhend is insanely cool. I have no idea where I'll be in 5 years or even 5 days everything is such a whirl wind but the one settling thing is that God's got my back and even if my Dad and Friend die tomorrow from their cancer as painful as it will be God one way or another will wipe the tears away, that's something you can't buy or get from a thousands courses in theology and biblical cross referencing(not that that stuff is unimportant) but that is just the love pure and simple God has for us. This whole experience is pretty eye opening and it's strangely clear and confusing at the same time. I feel like so much is uncertain and non sensical I'm just gonna trust God as best as simple lil' me can and jump on in... I can't wait!

READ IT WELL

2005-06-20T21:28:00.000+12:00

I just read Kelly's latest post. It was pretty damn cool. If you've not read it do so.

Peace Out

Mac Daddy

2005-06-17T20:43:00.000+12:00

I am so damn hungry as I write this. Like take as hungry as you've ever been and multiply it by roughly 73 that might begin to describe how hungry I am right now!
All I've eaten today is some Noodle Temptations (and man they weren't that tempting) at my FRIEND Michelle's flat. They were pretty un impressive. Now it's 8:47pm and I want McDonalds so bad. This sucks quite severely as McDonalds is the MAN and I am no MAN supporter, but crapsicles, I want it so bad right now. Moving swiftly along... nah I got nothing Peace Out.

Foo Fighters...better than U2

2005-06-04T16:21:00.000+12:00

I am ever so excited with the upcoming release of In Your Honor the Foo Fighters 5th album.
It is my duty to pass on to all who read this the news that if you don't buy this album everyone else who does buy it will be better than you. (I didn't come up with that by the way). It will be good and I will buy it and proceed to tell all that it is good. If Dave Grohl was a woman I would marry him. And the Foo Fighters are beeter than U2 but then again so are the Backstreet Boys:)

The First Post I've Ever Made... Again

2005-06-04T15:41:00.000+12:00

I forgot my username (yes I know...) so I decided to create a newer better blog, one with an untwistable stomach! This will be the greatest blog ever, full of theology and educational banter...

THE ONE AND ONLY

HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!

Goldie.

What I got...

That Day - Natalie Imbruglia

It's complicated... or whatever

THE GREAT CHEESE CAPER OF 2007

Heart On Sleeve

More Silverchair...

Rumours

Dunedin

Um...

Insomnia

WHY I SUCK!

Hmm

Echoes, Silence Patience and Grace

Tonight?

Monday Night Gum

Injured

The Straight Edge

Happy Birthday Dad

Procrastinating Ramblings

Nothing to write home about

FOREIGN POLICY

Johnny Cash Rules

MY NEXT POST!

Bang Bang You're Ned

CANCER

DEATH

I sold my soul for a latte bowl

Two

Part One of

I dig most of this

Contentness c/o Fry and Laurie... Hugh Laurie

GOD BLESS SECULAR MUSIC

Developments in my Love Life

Here Have a Post Friends...

Matt Wilson, what a guy!

Stupid Things Christians Say And Do...

My Personality Type

Your #1 Match: INFP

Your #2 Match: ENFP

Your #3 Match: ISFP

a post

Tsk Tsk

My name is AJ, and I have been a suckaholic all my life

matt wilson and other tradgedies... of the commons

I Met a Girl if anyone's Hungry...

In Other News...

Retardo in the bestest way

AN ABUSIVE POST

M

A Simple Circle or A Perfect Plan?

But then DRAMA!!!

I'm sorry I didn't say so sooner...

Um...

A Grim Realisation...

The Ballad of Michael, Eric and God...

IN LOVE WITH....

HOLY CRAP I'M IN LOVE

Thought I'd disappeared off the face of the planet didn't you, didn't you...

b

*ahem*

Something controversial

My favourite band

My Hero

People that are awesome

SHE LIKES ME!

I don' t joke about Sex

I have very BAD posture...

One of those One's

READ IT WELL

Mac Daddy

Foo Fighters...better than U2

The First Post I've Ever Made... Again

ahem